


It Sounds Like Goodbye

by TheMightyZan



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:51:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4660326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMightyZan/pseuds/TheMightyZan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke wakes up to find Anders leaving the morning before the Chantry explosion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Sounds Like Goodbye

Aya wasn’t sure what woke her.  It could have been the cold that seemed to press down around her exposed face, letting her know that the fire in the hearth had long since died out, or the small shakes of the bed as Anders moved beside her, or even the whine like snores that her dog made while sleeping, though she was well use to those.  Regardless of what it was though, she was pulled from the warmth of her dreams and into the dark hours of dawn, and kept there by the feeling that something was off.

She blinked a few times, the sleep in her eyes sticking until she reached up to rub it away so she could look around.  Taking in a long breath, she forced herself to sit up, her elbows propping behind her as she turned her head to look towards Ander’s side of the bed. 

And was only slightly surprised that he wasn’t in it.

He had long since stopped spending the majority of his nights with her, instead opting to stay in his clinic to help with the escaping mages, or to write on his manifesto, or whatever it was he did when he was there. 

But last night… Last night he had been there, with her, a smiling bed mate that had teased and laughed, and spent the long night hours moving his hands and lips over her skin till she had shaken with need for him and he had finally filled her, again and again, until she didn’t think she could stand anymore.

But she had, and he hadn’t stopped until they were both exhausted and had fallen into a restful sleep tangled in each other.

She had been so sure he would be there when she woke up.

A movement in the corner of her eye had her turning her head until her gaze landed on the form standing near her writing desk, and her sleep addled thoughts scattered until there was only one she could hold onto. 

He was still here.

He wasn’t looking at her, and his blonde hair, messy as usual, fell from his tie to obscure his face from her.  But she didn’t let that stop her from looking him over, noting the way he was already dressed, the quilted layers of his robe hanging loose on his almost too skinny form and reminding her, distantly, that she needed to stay more on top of making sure he was eating. 

Aya pushed herself further up in the bed and watched the way his hand clenched and unclenched around his staff as he read something on the desk. 

“Are you going somewhere?”  She made herself ask it lightly, and stopped from frowning when he jumped at the sound of her voice.  He had never used to jump at her surprising him before. 

“Yes, actually.”  After collecting himself, Anders turned to look at her, the bristle along his jaw making his face look unnaturally thin in the shadows cast by the single candle on the desk.  His eyes were shadowed as well, almost too dark to read in the flickering light, but she could still tell that they weren’t looking directly at her. 

“Without even saying goodbye?”

“I didn’t want to wake you, you’d had a long night, I thought you would want to rest.”

She could just make out the humor in his voice, though it was a small and thin thing in the greater exhaustion she could hear, and she stood before he could say anything else, her naked skin prickling in the cold air as she padded across the room to him. 

“Never worry about waking me.  It just means I get to see you more.”  She smiled as she spoke, her hand coming up to close around his on the staff.  “You must be tired too.  Why are you up so early?” 

Anders didn’t answer right away, instead he looked away from her, his mouth pressing into a thin line as he seemed to work out what he wanted to say.  Finally, he shook his head, his hand flexing against hers.  “I have things I need to attend to.”

“Oh.”

She didn’t try to get more out of him.  She had stopped trying such things after doing so had only ever succeeded in pushing him further away and causing a thick ball of resentment to settle in her chest because she knew she wasn’t asking for too much. 

So instead of saying anything else, she dropped her hand and took a step back, forcing a smile to her face as she gripped her palms together.  “Alright.”

She started to turn away, go back to bed and leave whatever this gap that was between them there to grow wider, allow it to fill itself up with manifestos and mage freedom and a hatred of the Chantry that only seemed to get bigger and bigger as time went on; when all she really wanted to do was press herself into him and hold on for dear life and tell him how much she loved him and that she wished she find some way to keep him from slipping away from her. 

“Aya…”  Her name was a hoarse whisper, a half formed plea that she not leave, and she stopped to look back at him, her face carefully expressionless.

“What?” 

“I just,” Anders started, then paused to set his staff to the side and lift his now free hands to either side of her face, his long fingers brushing the wispy gold of her hair out of the way so that he could press a kiss to her cheek.

There was a moment, when he pulled back, that she thought he was going to say something, anything to make this distance disappear, but he shook his head instead and pressed his lips to hers.

The kiss was nearly overwhelming in its intensity. 

Every emotion that she had wanted out of him in the last few months seemed to pour into her at once as his lips and tongue worked over and into her mouth, leaving her helpless and moaning against him, her fingers scrambling until they could lock, knuckle white, into the black feathers at his shoulders.

His hands seemed to tighten around her face as he licked into her, his tongue sliding feather light against hers until all she could do was respond in kind, her own tongue twining with his in an attempt to still its dance.

She lost track of time, moments blending in to each other as they both gave and took, days colliding into that moment as they stood wrapped and drowning in each other.

He finally pulled away from her, his breath heavy as it hit against her face, and his fingers gentle as they worked over her ears and through her hair.

“I love you.”  Anders said the words as if they hurt to get out, like they were raw and jagged in his throat, and Aya tightened her grip on the feathers and leaned into his touch. 

“I love you too.” 

He shook his head again, words escaping him for a few moments as he pressed another chaste kiss to her cheek.  “Things are going to happen… things I can’t…”  He paused, searching for words and seeming to come up short.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me.”  She supplied, hating that it sounded so cliched.

Anders laughed at that, a weak burst of amused breath that did little to comfort her.  “I’ll have to soon enough, but I just want you to know.  I want…It shouldn’t be this hard…”

He stared at her another moment, then kissed her again, quickly.  “Whatever happens just know that you, Ayania Hawke, are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I know it’s been hard and I’m sorry.  I never meant to hurt you”

She searched his face for an answer to why he would say such a thing, but he was closed off to her, as he so often was, and she had to force herself to speak again.  “It sounds like you’re saying goodbye.”

“Maybe I am.  I don’t know yet.”

“Anders.”  Panic rose in her throat, and she moved her hands to catch at his.  “What does that mean?  You can’t say something like that and then simply-”

“I have to go.”  He bit the words out, and pushed her away before she realized what was happening.

And then he was gone, just gone, the room still and empty as if he had never been there. 

She stood there for several seconds, his words processing slower than they should have, but when they did she snapped out of her thoughts and rushed to find her clothing.

She had just made it out of the bedroom when she heard the front door slam open, and she paused to watch as Aveline’s anger bright face appeared below her.

“Hawke.”  The guard captain stated, a single word that spoke volumes, and Aya knew, knew, that following Anders would have to wait.


End file.
